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happy birthday to me

an ode to fleas.

happy birthday to me
the landlord's cat brought home fleas
now i have the heebie jeebies
and i won't go in the kitchen
(you can't make me!)

seriously though, in the future i am not doing long term care taking of someone else's cat. they wouldn't get preventative flea treatment, because she's an indoor cat. she has a record for finding ways out. now we have a pain in the arse having to deal with her fleas, as well as the potential of them spreading in our home (which happens to be 90% carpeted). they've been more than willing to take the cost of the remedy out of our rent, but really, this is one of those "ounce of prevention > pound of cure" things. serves me right. i almost insisted that she be treated with something like advantage but was afraid of offending them, it being their cat and all. *sigh*

Friday Fave Five, episode 1

Willow has been doing this for quite some time. Hosted by Susanne at Living to tell the Story. I have no clue who Susanne is. I just like the idea of consciously looking back on the week and remembering what we have to be thankful for. So here's my first go at Friday's Fave Five. And no. I do not think the assonance is cute. But I wasn't the one who named it, and neither were you. Unless you're Susanne, in which case, assonance or not, it's a great idea.

1. Heather and Rassi's wedding was beautiful. :)



2. I went out with Willow's daughter and my longtime friend, "Mama Mia." We had coffee and talked and it was wonderful because I have not seen Mama Mia in a very long time.


3. Transformers with my beloved. We took the motorcycle and it was the first time I had been on it since the addition of the rack and the sissy bar. I must admit, while I don't *need* the sissy bar, it did help me to feel more comfortable with letting go and just enjoying the ride and not worrying that a sudden acceleration would send me toppling off the back. It was fun and the movie was not too bad, though a bit long, and I got a snuggle, cause the armrests at this theatre lift up so it's almost like a bench seat. :D

4. My list of things to do for the wedding is now down to less than one page in my calendar and I only have one more item to prepare for the grad school application. This is very impressive to me and definitely something to be hugely thankful for, especially as it means I feel that I now have room to get excited. A big thank you to all the people who have been helping me with last minute preparations.

5. Tonight I spent a bunch of time with Ashley and her friend and we finished the pew bows while I told them about how beloved and i met. Then we went out for conveyor belt... er boat... sushi and had lots of girl talk, a surprising amount of which revolved around poop and/or parasites like worms and jiggers. It was a wonderful restfully energizing evening.

on Twilight

I met a woman in a coffee shop the other day and we talked for a bit. She volunteers with a Girl's Club and asked me to send her a written version of the thoughts I had expressed in our conversation, and I thought I would share what I wrote.

Please note: I do NOT support censorship. Age and maturity appropriate reading selections for children, yes, but I think I have a somewhat liberal view of what that means. Past adolescence, kids should be learning to select their own reading. What I do what to encourage however, is that parents be aware of what their kids are reading/watching/playing etc and engage in that.

In the censorship aspect of this discussion, I would also like to point out that just because the powers that be in the American Church think something is bad, doesn't necessarily mean that it is. Harry Potter was under fire from the American Church for years for the fact that it includes witchcraft. Harry Potter also teaches character, conflict resolution, kindness, the importance of learning and such. Similarly, the Golden Compass, the first of a trilogy written by an athiest, was raised as heretical by a wide group of people and yet as I am reading it, I wonder why. The church is not painted kindly in these books, to be sure, but the church that is depicted is more like the catholic church of the middle ages, not the church of today. What I find interesting is the concept of a soul that is depicted in the His Dark Materials series, which along with themes of courage, child/adulthood, honesty/truth, provides a fertile ground for learning and discussion. I find it remarkable and appalling, in light of this, that there has been no outcry about the Twilight series which, in my eyes, poses much greater threats to the emotional development of today's adolescent girls.

Bella is the girl that every other girl can relate to. She IS the typical american girl. A running monologue in her head, insecurity and vain confidence all broiled into one. Her dad annoys and embarrasses her through no fault of his own. She hates high school. Who can't relate to her? And her experience of infatuation (for love, it certainly is not) pulls on the same heart strings that are familiar to all of us. The melodrama is not as forced as we want to believe as adults who are now past that stage of life. Bella also annoys me to no end. She is so self absorbed that after reading two chapters of the first book, I wanted to hurl the book across the room. But then this is yet another reason why she relates. Teens tend to be self-absorbed. This is part of their development, their individuation and it is not bad as long as it is kept in check and the teen is able to mature beyond it.

Enough on Bella. She's not really where by true issue lies.

My complaint is that Edward Cullen is held up as the romantic hero of the century. Edward Cullen who stands in the corner of his girlfriend's bedroom and watches her sleep, uninvited by her, is a stalker. Do we need to define stalker? I just did. Did you miss it? HE STANDS IN HER ROOM WATCHING HER ALL NIGHT. HE WAS NOT INVITED. He lets himself in through the window. This is not just stalking but also breaking and entering. Both of which are illegal. This is viewed by Bella and thus by her adolescent readers as a sweet and loving gesture. Which leads into my next issue. Edward is emotionally and physically abusive. He pushes Bella around. He is rough with her and it's not playful roughhousing or a mature, mutually chosen eroticism, he is using his superior physical power to control her. And our beloved Bella justifies this to herself and the reader as an expression of his love for her, and even more twisted, a method by which he protects her. No. No no no. INTERVENTION TIME! This is textbook victim mentality. Abuse victims often internalize their aggressor's action, "It's my fault" and "He does it because he loves me" or "It's for my own good." This is the self-talk that makes it so hard to help some victims of abuse, because they have been so beaten down that they think they deserve it, that their abuser is in the right and must be defended. And just like any abuser, Edward Cullen's behavior follows a pattern of escalation. It doesn't begin with throwing her around. It begins with stalking, a lesser form, and then escalates as their relationship progresses.

Can you see why this concerns me? If it were just a book, if it were not so blazingly popular, I wouldn't have as much issue with it. But these young women who read Twilight think that Edward Cullen is god's gift to womankind. He is the romantic hero. There are some girls that even go so far as to ask their boyfriends "Why aren't you more like Edward Cullen?" If a woman is with a man who is not an abuser, she should not tell him that he would be a better partner if he was an abuser. This is so absurd it makes my brain hurt. And it would be laughable if it wasn't really happening.

And interestingly enough, the American Church, which was up in arms about Harry Potter and His Dark Materials, is silent about Twilight. This disturbs me more than I know how to express. It seems we have some of our priorities twisted.

Again please note, as an adult, what you read is your own business, though as with any media, be aware that what you consume has influence on you. I am speaking primarily as regards to the mass, unmonitored, popular education of adolescents who are still developing their ideas about identity, character and relationships. I don't actually object to a 13 year old girl reading Twilight. What I do object to is her reading Twilight and not having someone around to read it with her, to talk about it, and educate her about healthy relationships. When we allow other people (including authors) to parent our children for us, we have only ourselves to blame for the consequences.

Wedding Countdown: T-18 days

Almost there. Almost done. Almost begun.

As of yesterday 90% my share of travel coordination is set for out of town guests. Just gotta email out details, hotel options and get one more Eugene-only carpool settled. That's pretty darned awesome.

Favors are done.
Centerpieces are done.
Dress is altered.
Veil is done.
Ceremony is planned.
MC is determined and sound equipment secured.

Cakes, florals, table rentals and catering are going to be finalized this Thursday.

I feel like what is left is manageable. This is a good thing. I had been feeling overwhelmed.

Already the endless thank you note writing has commenced. Trying to make sure I keep gifts and reply progress tracked in my guest list spreadsheet. We'll see how long that lasts. So far I'm mostly caught up with that stuff, so here's hoping.

In other news, I finally got the courage up to call the school in California with my questions about their application. Good thing I did. Apparently their email has been bouncing the last two weeks so they may actually have never seen my emails. I'm feeling better about it all now. Just a few things to do with that. Hoping to have it done before the wedding. Think I can do it?

A couple weeks ago we went to Eugene to see Nate's family and do some wedding related stuff. It was fun. I am feeling more and more comfortable with them each time. Less and less like an outsider :)

Night before last Nate and I *finally* watched Slumdog Millionaire. It was a great movie. The awards they won were well deserved in my book.

Just finished reading Good Omens (Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman). Quite enjoyable. Irreverently funny, but didn't, for me at least, cross into the offensive. Challenges traditional notions of good and evil and where human beings land in that spectrum.

Frustratingly, we finally decided on Comcast and they gave us a decent deal after I explained what exactly we're looking for, but I in my boneheadedness was like "ok, they come install after the wedding... how about July 16th?" except when I went to put it in my calendar after hanging up the phone, I realized that July 16th we're still on our honeymoon. Ooops. I've continued to call them only to have to leave voicemail and so far no callbacks from the sales rep. Ugh. The saga continues.

Bachelorette party for a friend tonight, my wedding stuffs on thursday, her wedding stuffs friday and satuday. Ready for a busy week? Time for me to gett off my duff and go pack. :)

absolutely appalling

there is a woman in oregon who lured a pregnant woman into her home, killed her and cut out her baby. the baby died too. though the two women were strangers, evidence points to this being heavily premeditated. for some reason, there is question in the legal system as to whether or not this constitutes a double homicide, as it is unknown if the baby actually ever took a breath. though i don't approve of abortion, i don't usually take it to an activist level. in this case, i do blame pro-"Choice" legislation for the fact that justice may not be served. since when did a baby have to breathe air for it to be alive? since when is murdering a pregnant woman NOT a double homicide?

blehness

I'm much more of a nervous driver than I have been since I first started. Mild panic attacks when the driver doesn't slow down soon enough for my comfort. Super nervous changing lanes. I guess it makes sense, given how rattling the 4 car accident (not my fault) was for me. But still, I'm not liking this. I know that my nervousness makes me actually less safe. hmm....

35 days till the wedding! WHEE!!! There's a lot still to do and I am sadly, quite behind on Nate's present. It's all a bit overwhelming. Picking up my dress next weekend. Need to meet with the cake people and the caterer and the pastor all next weekend, and also have the flower girls try on their dresses. Not to mention all the other random stuff to be done. Supposedly a shower/party somewhere in there. Nate and I picked up the form for the marriage license yesterday and I am working on filling that out. Gracious. At least I can fit the to-do list all... mostly.. on one page now.

Put in another application to Starbucks. Please pray that this comes though. 20 hrs/wk gets benefits and we just found out that Nate's company will give me health insurance at a lovely price of $1600/mo, which is absolutely and completely beyond our means. Trouble is, I get rejected for individual insurance because of a particular ongoing issue that really costs the insurance company basically nothing, but they cite it as why they won't insure me. *growl* If anyone knows of good jobs or even just anything that'd bring in some extra cash, let me know.

It's humbling to have church reduce you to tears on a regular basis. Nate keeps reminding me that not only does God love me, but He *likes* me too. Every time he says that I cry. And that seems to be the theme in church lately, so I cry there too. It's like, I know that to be true but my heart just can't believe it. Our pastor was talking last week about how we ascribe to God the feelings we have about ourselves. So if I feel like I am not like-able or if I feel like I'm not worth being proud of, I'll think God doesn't like me and that God isn't proud of me. And the crazy part is, I think that way with my parents too. I am ashamed of myself and so I project that on them, just like I project that on God. I've been dealing with a lot of rejection the last two years, so I see it and feel it everywhere. It's a good thing to be realizing this, but it aches and there's no easy out.

Anyways... speaking of rejection...

Hope is hard. It is most hard, I think, to hope for something which your heart deeply desires. Application for the last grad school to which I will apply this/next year is due Aug 15. After that, I've decided to take some space from it. At any rate, I need to just do it and get it done. It's causing stress but I've been avoiding it which does NOT help. Maybe that should be my goal for the day. Send them the email with all my questions about the application. I should probably do the FAFSA too... it changes in like a month though so I have the feeling I might want to wait on that. Ok... tab closing then I'm going to go write that email. :P

and for some tab-closing...

Linked from leighcia, this is awesome: Wardrobe Refasion. I want to do this. Sewing machine will be accessible again soon....

I'm impressed. Keep it up!

"Math in the City" Nerdy in a really awesome and interesting way. According to KP though, Zipf's law does not apply to China or India.

Someone I knew in college got a Roomba and took a really cool time exposure shot:


I know swine flu stuff is pretty much over but I'm behind the times and this is funny.

are there any ISPs out there that don't suck? i thought not.

so i'm pricing out ISPs for the apartment. we're thinking about signing up for one when i move in in July. i'm beginning to think this is a pointless idea and we should just use nate's school and my work internet for a while. seriously they all suck for some reason or another.

comcast says "hey look! 15 Mbps for 19.99/mo!" fine print: after 6 months the rate doubles. you can install it yourself but only if you already have comcast cable services, otherwise it's a 100$ service charge to have a technician come set it up for you. beware though, if you tell us you've got more than one computer, we'll find a way to gouge you for that too.

qwest/verizon says "beat this! 1 Mbps for 19.99/mo for 12 mo!" as if 1 Mbps is the most amazingly fast thing known to mankind. oh but *wispers* only if you you sign up for our digital voice package too. otherwise it is actually 35$/mo. either way you've gotta fork out 75$ service charge to start up. and just to annoy me a little more, their internet sales rep had the gall to tell me verizon doesn't do cell phone services. *looks down with confusion at the verizon cell on her desk* wtf?

clear right now is my top choice. 6Mbps for 30$/mo + 6$ modem lease. sign up fee is waived for 2 yr contracts and if you move, the contract isn't broken as long as you still are in a place they serve. they don't care how many connections you make to the router once it is in your home, and they assume you're smart enough to set it up yourself (i already did it in the office. easier than setting up the printer, that's for sure). ok so what's the gotcha? clear broadcasts their internet through a wireless signal using a network of towers, much like cell phones. our apt is on the top of a pretty steep hill in the middle of town. there is a tower close by on either side of the hill. there is NO tower on top of the hill and wireless signals don't bounce so well. we are officially outside of their coverage and because the hill is such a relatively small area, they have little to no incentive to build a tower up there - at least currently there are no plans to anytime soon. *cries*

weddings, work and grad school, oh my!

the registries are done. as done as they're going to get at least. no one ever told me how exhausting dealing with selecting registry contents can be. thank God they're done. next on the docket is somehow writing, printing, assembling, stamping and sealing 150 invitation packs in the next two weeks. i have until the end of the 21st of April to finish these, because on the 22nd I am going to Philly for some close friends' wedding (crazy when you're equally close to both the bride and the groom) and for some vacation time with nate (ie show him the city i love), and the invitations MUST go out the moment we return. *shudders* this tuesday and next tuesday from 230p onward into the evening i have a wonderful ashley coming to help and anyone else who is bored and wants to come is more than welcome. we'll turn the dining room table into an assembly line. but wait, no that being done does not mean stopping. we have yet to decide on a cake design, a specific dinner menu, florals are insanely up in the air, ceremony design/order of events is still in the fuzzy wuzzy brainstorm process and then there's centerpieces, gown fittings, veil, oh and does the wedding party all have their tickets booked and clothes purchased/rented etc? can you tell i'm a little wee bit overwhelmed? 88 days to go. *panics* breathe. please breathe.

in the midst of this, i am trying to find a job. i currently have 10 hrs a week (on a good week) as an admin, but a) it's less than part time and b) i was technically only hired for 90 days. so while admin feels like the only thing i've got a shot at when people with a masters and years of experience are struggling to find work, it's not at all what i want to do long term.

similarly, after being rejected from the george fox psyd program *again,* i'm feeling really insecure about this whole grad school thing. i know it's a busy year for grad admissions (with so many people out of work, grad school is becoming a more popular choice), but still. and if not this, then what? i can do admin and do it well, but honestly, scaning and filing feels like a waste of my skills when we're talking long term. i can feel my brain rotting. is it bad to want more? i just applied to a job answering and rerouting phones for 40 hrs a week. it would be stable at least. but really...

prayer would be appreciated. for wedding stress, for direction in work and school and life, for doors to open in the right places, for the ability to trust God in my confusion and stress and chaos.

iBand

iBand